Coaching for Leadership, for Growth, for Success

ARE YOUR FEARS HOLDING YOU BACK?

 

A few years ago, I took my children back to Spain during the summer break as I do every year. On this occasion, my husband Pete managed to come with us for a few days, and we took advantage and travelled to Alicante for a long weekend, to get some rest and quality time as a family.

We had heard that not far by boat, there was the beautiful island of Tabarca;, so we decided to spend the day enjoying what the island had to offer. It was a great day, and we made the decision to head back to the mainland before the crowds did. And that’s when it happened.

 

As the boat left Tabarca, there was a sudden change of winds and before we knew it, we were caught in one of the worst storms the area ever witnessed. In no time, our catamaran was no match for the angry sea and the big waves. Water started coming in and there were people being tossed from side to side of the boat. The captain decided that it was too dangerous to go back to the island, and our only way out was to continue towards the mainland, at painstakingly slow speed. The boat was eerily quiet, everyone was too scared to say anything. Soon, we started witnessing people getting very sick.

 

I was petrified, completely frozen by fear at the prospect that this could in fact be our last day alive. I looked at my children and my husband and I remember feeling so guilty for having insisted in visiting the island. And now, in this moment, I felt responsible for putting them in harm’s way. If there was a peak moment in my life where I felt true, raw fear, that was it. There have been many occasions during my life where I felt fear, but this one was different. We truly had no control of the outcome, and it was down to what mother nature decided to do with this little boat we travelled in. It was imminent, each minute worse than the other, with no end in sight, just waiting to see if we would make it out alive.

 

Then I looked at my son, who was 2 years old at the time; he was staring at me in silence, unable to express his feelings, yet understanding at a deeper level that our situation wasn’t a good one. And then it hit me, I had allowed fear to completely disempower my thoughts and my actions, and right there, a small window of opportunity opened up for me to be able to do something that was under my control.

I smiled at my son, gave him a big hug and told him all was well, and to go to sleep if his eyes felt tired. He took a big breath and then he closed his eyes and slept for the remainder of the ordeal.

 

My daughter, 5 years old back then, she was a different story. She was looking around terrified of what was happening, and was being shafted between myself and the end of the seat every time the boat moved. She had already watched me moments earlier and knew that I was terrified, so she wasn’t looking for comfort from me.

 

If I wanted to help her, I would need to let go of fear. I closed my eyes and for a moment, I visualized the absolute worse thing that could happen to us. I imagined a big wave tipping over the catamaran, the four of us being thrown into the angry sea, seeing my children drown unable to help them and, finally, drowning myself too. And then as I went through all that in my head, I realised that even if that was to happen, I still had some precious moments left with them, and all of a sudden I felt tremendous gratefulness for being so lucky to have enjoyed my life and my children for as long as I did.

And at that time, I came to realise that whether I died imminently or not, it had no bearing on how I could choose to be right in that moment. I looked at my daughter and smiled, and she felt straight away that my connection was genuine. I told her than rather than fighting the fear, we should just join in and go with it. She asked me how, and I told her to imagine that the boat was a big giant ride, similar to the one we had been in just a few months ago. I asked her to move with the ride, and not against it, so we wouldn’t bump ourselves.

So when the boat went up, we didn’t fight it, we went up with it, and as it crushed against the waves, we sunk with it too. We held hands and for a moment we almost felt joy.

 

People all around us were vomiting everywhere. You could see it in their faces, the exact moment when they allowed fear to creep in, and their body decided to let go. Powerless.

 

It was the longest 90 minutes of my life. We finally made it safely to shore. By that point, every single person in the boat had been sick many times. We were the only family that managed to keep it together.  The captain told us in the 12 years that he had ridden that boat, that was his worst ride ever. It took us many hours afterwards to finally get a feeling of the stable ground underneath us.

 

We survived to tell the tale, and I am incredibly grateful to have been one of the lucky ones. I also learnt a very valuable lesson: in the face of fear, always ride with it, don’t resist it.

I have since become interested in the subject, and have come to understand that fear is truly just the precursor of change. If we feel the fear and run in the opposite direction, then we’ll never know what could have been.  I have since been able to get more comfortable with the idea of fear, so much so that, whenever possible, I pursue those things that I am afraid of the most, as I now know that behind fear, lies incredible opportunities for us all to raise up, grow and evolve. So jump in, and enjoy the ride!

 

Conquer the fear by facing it and going along with it. You will realise that confronting your fears is nowhere near as scary as continuing to be held back by it. If you are willing to explore the boundaries of your fears, you will find that it either holds no logic, or it is actually nowhere near as scary as you make it out to be. So have the courage to explore your fears, and free yourself from what holds you back.

 

Over to you now. What fear or fears are holding you down? What’s the nature of these fears? In the absence of fear, what would you do?

Love,

Isabel x

I AM FAILING…

 

I open my eyes before the alarm goes off. I am still tired, yet I cannot go back to sleep. I can already feel it… the dreading sensation that you are heading for a fall, for failure… I try to count my blessings… I know there are many but right now I feel like they are too few to count.

 

I am missing my husband. I decide to blame him for being away for so long, for leaving me to do it all by myself, to blame him for my bad mood. He shouldn’t have left us. Like he had a choice… I hear myself judging my thoughts. “How dare you blame your husband; he is doing what he can. You are lucky to have someone like him by your side. You don’t deserve him.” I recognise those words, they were said by someone very close to me many years ago, and I have since adopted them as mine.

 

My voice tells me: “Stay in bed, you are tired. Don’t do anything. Stay here with me. Just for today, do nothing. You deserve some rest. Let me tell about all the reasons why life sucks”. I breathe deeply, and somehow manage to get up. I go straight to the balcony and look at the sky – yet again another beautiful sunrise. It makes me smile; it makes me feel like this new day may bring with it hopeful moments. My little voice stops for a while whilst I manage to get the kids up and get breakfast going.

 

I can hear the kids in the background, playing. I know I should be happy about the sounds their laughs make, but I’m not. I can feel the anger starting to build up within myself. “Here we go again; instead of helping you, the only thing they care about is themselves”. My voice is back, with unwelcomed familiarity. “You are all alone, and nobody cares. Your children just need you to care for them, to be their nanny, but they don’t love you the way you love them”. I start feeling really bad about myself, and before I know it, anger turns into rage. I walk into the kid’s bedroom and start yelling at them so they can hurry up and get ready. Now I feel really disappointed with myself. Last night, I made a promise to myself that I would try to go all day without yelling at my kids, because I love them with all my heart, and because I know that they are just kids, good kids, acting normal. I know the issue is with me. Now I am really judging myself and feeling quite low. I can already tell that I am about to spiral out of control. I am angry at myself. I have been awake for only 30 minutes, and already, I feel like quitting this day, and escaping from it all.

 

“You are a coach for crying out loud. Pull yourself together”. I am ready to kick this bloody voice to the curb… “You can’t do anything right!”. As I let that last statement start to consume me, I come across a piece of paper sitting on the kitchen bench. I recognize the writing. It is my daughter’s. It says: “You are my angel mum, and nothing changes that”. I feel how my heart shrinks quickly, and then expands with joy. I feel this warm, fuzzy sensation all over my face, and let go fully, allowing the tears to run down my face.

 

I am home. I feel myself come back into alignment, alive, vibrant. “Be kind with yourself” I hear. Now this voice I like much more. I am also used to this voice. I know this voice has my back, and loves me no matter what. For the first time this morning I feel like I am fully awake, and I give myself a chance to make different choices.

 

First, I thank my ugly voice, I know deep down it is trying to keep me safe and protected under our current family circumstances. Then, I allow it to go back into the dark shadows where it came from, as I tell it that all is well.

 

Next, I go to my children, and as I stare at their little faces, I apologise for my behaviour, and then give them a long hug. I tell them that I love them and I allow their love for me to fill my heart. I feel joy. I feel complete. I feel like today couldn’t go any better.

 

The rest of my day goes really well. Better than that. I feel proud of myself for having achieved all that I set out to achieve. At home. At work. With my kids. With myself. I feel satisfied that I gave myself a chance to be better and do better. And I did. And so can you.

 

So next time you catch yourself failing, making mistakes, or judging yourself, be kind to yourself. We are only human, and we are entitled to slip out many times. Every day brings a new opportunity to take a chance on ourselves. So don’t quit; just keep going. Then, as you forgive yourself for your errors, give yourself a second chance. You are worth it. You deserve it.

 

With Love,

Isabel x

 

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

clock

 

If you feel like you have no time to catch up, you are not able to get a handle on your life priorities, you seem unable to find work life balance or feel overwhelmed and stressed, then let me give you a simple tip to start releasing the load: DO LESS.

Sounds simple? Well in fact, once we get used to doing many things continually, one of the hardest things to do is to change the rhythm and dynamics of it. In fact, we develop a habit of always being busy, and we don’t really know what to do with ourselves if we are left with a few minutes to spare; boredom kicks in, and in no time we are off trying to find things to keep us busy. Sounds familiar?

Let me explain what I mean by doing less, and believe me this is something that I intentionally work on often myself. You need to start doing less of those activities that fill up your day in what you may believe gives your mind and body a rest, when in fact it does the opposite, such as the following:

–          TV watching (at the end of the day, when all you really feel like doing is passing out in the sofa and staring at the screen). There is absolutely nothing wrong with watching something you enjoy, as long as it is not taking over your entire evening and it is not taking time away from doing things that really need doing. As they say with food, enjoy TV “with moderation”.

–          Continuous checking of emails, internet, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc. In general any gadget that will have you looking at something that is really not relevant or a priority for you. We are developing very hard to tackle habits regarding the use of technology, which steals precious time from our daily lives and steals quality time that could be used to make real connections with those around you.

–          Staying behind at work because you didn’t finish your work, because everyone else is staying behind, because you want to look like you are working hard, because you may actually be working really hard, because you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you went home anyway, because you can stay behind and check more emails and Facebook…sigh! Believe me when I tell you that some of the greatest work won’t come out of a long day when your energy and motivation has been wiped out.

So what to do? Let me give you a few ideas and action steps that are proven to help you break out of your “crazy busy unproductive” schedule and help you find more time to do those things that you really want to do:

  • Aim to check emails or social media a maximum of twice a day – say mid morning and early evening. Let people know that you will be spending less time online, so they know if they really need to contact you they can either find you or text you. If this seem like a mammoth task to you right now, maybe reduce the time you spend in the virtual environment by a quarter, followed by half within 2 weeks, and so on, to the point where you feel in control of social media, not the other way around.
  • Delete / stop following / unsubscribe from people / companies or resources that are not providing you with updates or information that you need in order to achieve the things you need or want. Spend some time scanning through your contacts and subscribed resources and commit to delete those you don’t need, that only clutter your space and your mind, stealing you from much needed time.
  • First thing in the morning, stop yourself from going to your mobile phone, your ipad or any gadget that will tempt you to check for unnecessary information. Take a minute to do some deep breathing whilst lying in bed, to oxygenate your body and clear your mind. Create the intention to have a good day and commit to spend your day as present as possible. If possible, sit down for a nutritious breakfast with your loved ones and connect in a way that will help you start your day calm and ready to tackle the day ahead. Create a daily routine where you follow all the above steps, and within a few weeks, you will start creating new habits that support your ability to stay present and conduct activities that provide you with satisfaction and energise you.
  • Instead of watching TV, commit a few days per week to practise a few minutes of stretching, yoga, meditation, praying or whatever it is that allows you to become calm and relaxed, followed by 20-30min reading a book about a subject that you are passionate about. Before going to sleep, get into the habit of thinking of at least two great things that happened to you during that day. This exercise will help you go to sleep on a great note and will assist you in having a good night’s sleep. Avoid watching TV or using your iPad or any gadgets right before going to bed and the light emitted by most of these gadgets will trick your brain into thinking that it’s still day time and you will having difficulties having a good night’s sleep. As with early morning routines, create a structure for bed time, so that you create new healthier habits that will have you sleeping better, having more energy during your day and shifting your mindset onto a more positive and mindful one.
  • Make time to eat your meals sitting down and eating your food mindfully, away from any diversions. Sit at a table and pay attention to the food that you are eating and what your body is telling you, and stop once you start getting signs that your body has had enough. Or sit with others and enjoy a healthy meal with other people that you enjoy conversing with.
  • If you are feeling tired, rather than collapsing in the sofa, push yourself to get up and give your body some activity. Some examples depending on your fitness level would be to take a 20min brisk walk, go for a run, swim, ride, play ball with your children, whatever it is that will have your heart racing. Ask friends to do it with you and take advantage of the opportunity to connect and enjoy yourself.
  •  Commit to exercising at least 3 times per week as this will also help you create a more balanced approach and enjoyment of life; you will also feel better and will have more energy during your day. If you are surrounded by nature, try not to use any technology to keep you occupied. Engage your senses around you…look at the colours and textures around you, take notice of the smells, listen to all the noises around you, etc. If you exercise in a gym or a busy place, listen to music that makes you feel good, or listen to podcasts about matters that you want to learn about. Or better yet, take a friend with you and push each other, but also have a laugh. There’s nothing better than being accountable to someone else!

Does all the above seem like you will be doing more in your already busy day? It may seem like that for a little while until you manage to break out of those habits that are holding back from enjoying your life.

Just one tip about  change in general. Whenever you start working on changing things in your life, please don’t be too hard on yourself. Breaking out of a habit does take time and no doubt you will have set backs. Don’t let that be the excuse to ruin all the good things you are doing to help you improve your quality of life. If you have a bad day and you don’t manage to do all you set out to achieve, don’t judge yourself, tomorrow will be a new day and you will have the opportunity to choose your actions once again, till the time when you new habits become your way of living, naturally.

So what  are you ready to commit to changing today? How could you create more quality time in your life to do those things you really want to do?

IS YOUR GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?

half full glass
I recently got back from another training weekend in Singapore. When people heard that I lived in Brunei Darussalam, in the Borneo jungle, this is the reaction I got:
“It’s so boring”
“What do you do with yourself there?”
“There’s nothing to do over there.”
“I couldn’t live there.”
“I went there once, but I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
My response: “I found myself in Brunei”.
Living in Brunei has two of the biggest gifts anyone could use in life – time and space.  I used to be the big city girl, the person who was always busy being busy, always complaining about lack of time, lack of quality of life, lack of quality time with my family and loved ones…I was the big career woman, the “fake” super mum, pretending that I could do anything and everything at once, whilst deep inside I was always wondering what living a rich and satisfying life would feel like.
And then we moved to Brunei, and I was forced very quickly to adapt to a whole new way of living, a new rhythm, a whole new culture and a new environment. The fact that I was 4 weeks short of giving birth to my second child didn’t help either!
I transitioned from utter shock onto a phase of reflection and adventure, one that forced me to look at myself from the inside out, to question my beliefs, my passions, my ideas about living life….and that’s when everything changed.
Having time and space allowed me to discover my passions and purpose in life. I knew I wanted to help others and I wanted to make a difference in this world, I just didn’t know how. Then I found coaching and everything just clicked. Having the advantage of time and space, I embarked into a full career change and I invested in the assistance of a coach to challenge and guide me through my big transformation.
Not only did I find my purpose, but I allowed myself to pursue other passions I never thought I would enjoy, like hiking in the jungle, long distance running, nutrition, health and wellness, yoga, natural living, learning about the environment and how to make a difference at home… it is just too many to list!
Now, the way I spend my time is very different. I don’t need to be constantly stimulated and entertained by external influences. I have come to enjoy the simple things in life, like a good walk in nature, watching my kids play outside in the garden, reading a good book, learning about subjects that I am passionate about, taking time to exercise, eat well, sleep and relax, and practise those things that I never had time for before, taking time to reflect about things that really matter and investing the time to transform into who I am meant to become and enjoying the journey.
I may not have as many shows, activities, games, parties, produce, shops or facilities as I did before, but what I have now I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not having to have an active external life has given me the opportunity to look inside and find myself. It is not better or worse, it is just different, and I believe in making the best of every opportunity a great one, and my glass is almost always half full (although that rarely used to be the case).
And if you would like to start filling your glass up, so to speak, then stop looking for answers outside, and start finding answers within you, as you have all the answers inside yourself, and have been there all along, waiting to be discovered.
So get comfortable with being uncomfortable in your own skin. We are so used to living in the outside world that we’re out of touch with ourselves. Set time to “do nothing”. If you do, the environment and external factors in which you operate will have very little bearing on you, as knowing yourself from the inside out will assist you in always making the best out of life, wherever you are.
If you continue to heavily rely on external stimulus and outside influences to fill your day, you won’t know how to spend time with yourself, enjoying the simple and beautiful things that life has to offer.
Nowadays I enjoy my own company, and I love investing time in learning about myself, spending quality time with my family and friends, and having the time to finally take care of myself.
And I’ll tell you a secret, now that I have found myself, I know I am in good company. I found my best friend, the person who believes that I can reach for the stars if I truly want to, the person who never judges me, no matter what I say or do. I have found a type of love I only ever thought was possible towards my husband and children, but I’ve come to understand that the more love I have for myself, the more love I am able to share with others.
One of the best things you could do today is to invest some time figuring out who you really are, through coaching like I did or any other way that allows you to find that time and space to discover your true self. It will be one of the most well spent exercises you’ll ever make. Because you deserve to have a rich and fulfilling life, so don’t settle for any less than that!
Oh… and no need to say most of the people that I met at the Singapore training are planning to come to Borneo in the near future.
So is your glass half full or half empty? In other words, are you spending your time engaged in negative or positive thinking?
How are you spending your time?
Are you wishing for things you don’t currently have? Or are you seizing every opportunity that comes your way?
How could you shift your perspective from focusing on what you don’t have, to learning to enjoy what you have plenty of?
I am so grateful to be living in a peaceful country, enjoying serenity and surrounded by nature… a rare gift in today’s complex times!
What are you grateful for?

 

Isabel Valle ACC ACTP

Global Coach, mentor and facilitator

Founder of Global Room

“Coaching for Leadership, for Growth, for Success”

http:www.isabelvalle.com

globalroom@isabelvalle.com

http:www.facebook.com/globalroom

Ph: +673 897 8825

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE ROADS…

WHEN DRIVING DRIVES YOU MAD…AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO RESTORE SOME PEACE ON THE WHEEL

change Ghandi

Since I moved to Brunei Darussalam almost 4 years ago, there is one conversation that I seem to be having with people more often than not. Driving around Brunei can be quite an experience in itself. Ask anyone over here about how they feel when they get into their cars and they will tell you about being anxious, angry, rushed, frustrated about seeing so many people driving recklessly on the roads, children sitting in parents laps, without harnesses or seat belts on, people on phones texting, tailgating, speeding, road rage…the list goes on.

Despite government efforts to improve our road conditions and implement stricter fines, accidents in Brunei continue to raise at an alarming rate, which makes us feel unsafe on the roads. But I am not writting this to give you my opinion as to what I think the government or other people involved should be doing, as I have very little influence over that. My purpose in writitng this, is to help you take ownership of your feelings and responses whilst on the road, which is a big part of the overall driving experience.

So what is it about driving that turns perfectly rational human beings into temporary maniacs?

When it comes to driving in our roads, we show no mercy, it shows a really ugly side of humanity. But why? It could be that because we are hiding behind the wheel, we are anonymous and therefore feel that we can behave or say anything we want. It could be that our ego takes over and we believe that we are far better drivers than others on the road, and make no allowances for those who are perhaps just starting to drive, or make mistakes. I can tell you, I have made mistakes on the road, and who hasn’t?

We allow anger to build inside ourselves, but the way I see it, anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get hurt or die. We need to understand that the person anger hurts the most is ourselves.

So what can we do to remain calm on the road?

Don’t give in, there are always going to be circumstances outside of your control, that you can do nothing about. There are however, some things within your area of influence , such as maintaining a safer distance with the car in front, leaving a few minutes earlier so you don’t feel rushed, not speeding, respecting traffic rules, etc.

Set the intention before getting in the car that you will have an enjoyable drive,  that you will make allowances for people’s mistakes, as they will for yours, and focus on the blue ski and the beautiful greenery, whilst keeping an eye on the road of course! Don’t focus on the traffic jam, or the misbehaviour,  but instead listen to music that you like, or your favourite podcast.

The best way to deal with road rage, is to laugh it off, because you need to understand that the attack is not personal, they don’t know you. So instead of taking the bad behaviour to heart, realise that they must be in a mood because of their own reasons, which has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Pay attention to your breathing, and if you feel that your heart starts to race and you start to feel under pressure, simply take a deep breath, as breathing affects your heart rate. You will immediately feel more calm and relaxed, and most probably won’t feel the need to scream or react to whatever is going on the road.

So next time you are driving, remember these simple strategies:

1. Understand that there are always going to be situations on the roads where mistakes and misconduct will happen. Don’t give in to those situations behind your control, and focus on driving safely.

2. Before getting in the car, set the intention to enjoy your drive to your destination and notice the beauty around you. Play some music or a podcast you enjoy, sit back and enjoy your time.

3. Separate yourself from the road rage behaviour. Don’t take the attack personally. Consider what’s happened to make the person behave in this way. Laugh it off to take the seriousness out of the situation and notice how ridiculous the other person’s anger is. If you laugh you can’t be angry!

4. Breathe. Take a deep breath in if you feel anger or frustration building up, hold it and then release. Notice how much calmer you feel, sit back and enjoy your driving!

If we want to begin seeing some changes on the roads, we must begin by taking accountability for our own responses on the road. As Ghandi said, be the change you want to see in the world. So, you want safer roads, then set an example, let others go in first, smile more and be more accepting of others. Change does not happen overnight, but if we all try to do something about improving the safety in our roads, rather than just wait for someone else to change and improve it for us, then we will make a difference to the way we feel, to the way others feel, and you will be amazed at the results!

Please share these thoughts with anyone you feel may benefit from it.

Your friend and coach,

Isabel

MI PERFECTA POSTURA SOBRE LA CABEZA (SHIRSHASANA)

Headstand

La verdad es que no tenía pensado escribir acerca de mi práctica de yoga en el blog, pero son tantas las lecciones que estoy aprendiendo a través del yoga, de mí misma y de la vida en general, que  pensé que sería una gran idea compartir estas lecciones que estoy aprendiendo en mi camino y mi viaje con el yoga.
Recuerdo cuando hize mi primera clase de yoga, hace apenas un par de meses. Nunca se me olvidará ver a mi profesor de yoga, William, mostrándonos poses que realmente pensé que un ser humano no sería capaz de replicar. Esas posturas eran  una locura! William desafiaba no solo la gravedad, sino las limitaciones de la mente y del cuerpo. En ese momento pensé en salir por la puerta y no volver, o acabar la clase, despedirme con educación, y nunca regresar.

El caso es que yo pensaba que el yoga iba a ser muy fácil para mi, pues me considero una persona que está en buena forma, y practico mucho ejercicio.

Estoy acostumbrada a correr largas distancias con mi podcast puesto, escuchando y aprendiendo acerca de los temas que me apasionan, lo cual es una de mis actividades favoritas. Pense que si podía hacer las dos cosas con facilidad, el yoga no seria problema para mi.
Que equivocada estaba. El yoga requiere una mente calmada, un enfoque en los movimientos generados con energía interna, y la intención y la habilidad de ser capaz de dejar de lado cualquier idea preconcebida que puedas tener acerca de lo que puedes y no puedes hacer. Y eso yo no sabía como hacerlo.

Asi que adopte la práctica del yoga con gran curiosidad. Me encantaba observar a un grupo de personas enfocadas, capaces de hacer movimientos increíbles, sin esfuerzo, y verlos a medida que avanzaban y desarrollaron su práctica. Las prácticas semanales comenzaron a dar sus frutos, y poco a poco comencé a mejorar en algunas posturas, pero aun así, mi mente me seguía diciendo que ciertas posturas, como la de sobre tu cabeza, nunca las podría conseguir hacer. Cuantas veces salí de la clase de yoga sintiéndome frustrada y enfadada conmigo misma, pues no podía lograr hacer esa postura sobre la cabeza. Y sin embargo, otros en clase que no eran tan fuertes, o jóvenes, la llevaban a cabo sin problema, lo que me hacía sentir incluso peor y me desanimaba mucho.

Pero un día me dije a mí misma, en vez de compararme con los demás e intentar hacerlo como ellos lo hacen, ¿qué pasaría si lo intento hacer de una forma única y propia mía? Tenía mucho miedo de hacerme daño en la espalda, así que empecé a practicar con la pared cerca, por si me caía, entonces la pared me atraparía. Luego decidí tomarme un descanso y dejar de practicar esa postura, pues sabía que la distancia es uno de los mejores consejos para aliviar la frustración.

Y con sólo esos dos pasos, todo empezó a cambiar. Comencé a relajar mi mente y simplemente me permití estar en ese momento, y enfrentarme a la pose poquito a poco, con pasos minúsculos, sin ningún tipo de expectativas. De repente, empecé a ser capaz de encontrar la estabilidad que necesitaba, de saber donde generar la energía en mis caderas, de saber poner la posición de la cabeza correcta, y luego levantar las piernas. Y ayer, sin aviso, realicé mi primera postura sobre la cabeza “perfecta”.

Lo que yo pensaba hace un par de meses que era una tarea imposible de lograr, ayer se hizo realidad. Mi compromiso de querer intentarlo y empujar a través de mis miedos, y poner a prueba mis límites mentales y físicos, y darme la oportunidad de practicar de una manera que me convenía, dejando de compararme a los demás y ¡voila! Una postura sobre la cabeza perfecta.
Todavía hay tantas poses de yoga que me parecen tan imposibles de alcanzar, y sin embargo, ahora siento que si sigo trabajando en mi práctica, y sigo creyendo en mí misma, un día seré capaz de realizarlas, al igual que hice con mi postura de cabeza.

Y esta lección me la puedo aplicar a todo en la vida. Lo que he aprendido a través de este ejercicio, es que realmente puedes lograr cualquier cosa que te propongas. No importa que te parezca loco, o imposible de lograr, si te atreves a soñar en grande y comenzar tu viaje para llegar hasta allí, te sorprenderás por tu capacidad de lograr cosas que nunca pensaste que eran posibles.

Te voy a dar un consejo que yo uso para mí misma; si te sientes frustrado o desilusionado de que no eres capaz de hacer o lograr algo en tu vida, cambia las palabras ” no puedo” por ” NO PUEDO…TODAVIA” . El hecho de que no seas capaz de hacer algo en este momento, no quiere decir que no vayas a ser capaz de hacerlo en el futuro. Porque lo más probable es que si  te comprometes a darte una oportunidad, a empezarlo, a pensar en los pequeños pasos que te permitirán comenzar tu camino, entonces llegaras a conseguirlo.

Así que piensa en esas cosas que realmente quieres cambiar o conseguir en tu vida, pero crees que no puedes hacerlas, y comprométete a trabajar en ellas, a tomar acciones que te acerquen mas a ellas. Decide cuáles son esas acciones que merecen la pena conseguir. El éxito está al alcance de todos nosotros, búscalo y lo encontraras!

Namaste!
Isabel

Coach y mentor de liderazgo y “experta” en postura de cabeza!

WANT TO BE A LEADER?

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Over the last few months I have had the opportunity to have very insightful conversations with leaders across all industries in Brunei Darussalam. My purpose in wanting to engage in these conversations was to understand people’s issues and needs when it comes to leading themselves and others, as I feel really passionate about creating material that is relevant and customized to people’s needs; so identifying top critical issues faced by leaders would give me a great platform from which to start creating workshops and seminars that would address those issues.

Among many answers, one of the most common ones was that some managers feel they are unsure as to what leadership is all about, and how to transition into a leadership role. In some cases they have been instructed to take ownership of their roles and “become leaders”, with scarce guidelines and resources as to how to go about it.

I believe that there are so many different resources and information regarding leadership out there, that we have created an expectation that in order to be a leader we need to be exceptionally well educated in the subject, practised incessantly for decades, and have a proven record of having consistently achieved outstanding results…. NO PRESSURE!!

If I was to hold such expectation of today’s leaders, I wouldn’t want to be one, nor would I believe I could ever become one!

Leadership is a lot more basic and fundamental that we make it out to be. If you feel passionate about something, and have a firm belief in people’s capabilities and potential, then you either are or can be a leader.

Without your passion, people won’t be able to find the motivation necessary to achieve any goals, and without trust and belief in your people, they won’t want to operate at their best. Simple!

If you are looking at transitioning from a manager into a leader, start paying a bit more notice to your people, how you treat them, whether you believe in them, whether you are able to clearly communicate your needs and goals, wether you have developed trust and rapport amongst all team members, whether you have a consented set of behaviours by which you all operate at work, or core values, and whether they all understand your vision and are willing to help you reach it.

Of course there is a lot more to leadership than this, and new theories and models are being developed constantly; but sometimes, simple, small steps are the best way to want to start something, to start believing that you can do something, and to initiate change.

Leaders are not born or made, leaders are self made. Anyone can be a leader, you can be a leader. Stop listening to those who think you can’t, and start listening to that inner voice that believes you can. Whenever possible, surround yourself with like-minded people, people who see the goodness in life and the gifts and talents in others, as you will find an immense source of motivation and encouragement to do those things you want.

I will be covering others aspects of leadership in the coming weeks and months, based on the feedback I received. But if you would like me to talk about anything specific regarding leadership or organizational culture in general, then email me here, or leave me a message via Facebook here.

I am also available for one on one Executive and Leadership coaching, group coaching, key note speaking events and customized workshops and seminars. Please contact me for further details and a free no obligation consultation, or click here for a quick snapshot of my profile and services.

Till next time!

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Isabel Valle ACC ACTP

Executive and Leadership Coach, mentor and facilitator

Founder of Global Room

“Coaching for Leadership, for Growth, for Success”

A PERFECT HEADSTAND

THE PERFECT HEADSTAND

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I hadn’t really planned to talk about yoga in my blog, but through yoga I have been able to learn so much about myself and life in general, I thought it would be a great idea to use my own yoga journey to tell you about some great lessons I am learning along the way.

I remember walking into my first yoga class just a couple of months ago, and watching my yoga teacher, William, show us poses I thought a human being wouldn’t be able to replicate. It was crazy! He was challenging gravity, mind and body limitations, and more! I wasn’t  sure whether I should just walk out the door and quit whilst I was ahead or finish the class and leave politely and never go back again.

I finished the class and realised that even though I assumed yoga would be a breeze because I was in fairly good shape, I really struggled with it. I am used to running long distances with my podcast on, as I love being able to learn and run, multitasking two of my favourite activities.

But yoga requires a quietened mind, a focus on movements generated with internal energy and intention, and the ability to be able to just let go of any preconceived ideas you may have about what you can and cannot do.

I was so curious about yoga and what this group of people were able to do in class, that I kept going back, studying every single one of them as they moved and developed their practise. The weekly practises started to pay off, as I slowly started to improve, but somehow I knew in my mind that certain poses, like headstands, I would never be able to achieve. I would leave the room feeling frustrated with myself and upset that I wasn’t able to do a headstand. I watched others who weren’t as strong, or young, carry out their headstands with confidence, which made me feel even more discouraged about not being able to do it.

And then I thought to myself, instead of comparing myself to others and try to follow their path, how about I come up with my own set of steps? I was so afraid I would fall and hurt my back, so I started practising with the wall close by, so if I fell the wall would catch me. Then I took a break from it all as I knew that distance was one of the best tips for alleviating frustration. Just two steps, but it started to work, I started to relax my mind and just allow myself to be in the moment, working through the pose bit by bit, with no expectations. Suddenly I started to be able  find the right core stability, head position,  then raise my legs, and yesterday, out of nowhere, I performed my first “perfect” headstand.

What I thought a couple of months ago was a task impossible to achieve, yesterday I made it happen. All it took was my commitment to want to work through my fears, to test my limits, to give myself the chance to practise in  a way that suited me, letting go of comparing myself of others, and voila! A perfect headstand…

There are still so many poses in yoga that I feel are so impossible to reach, and yet now I feel if I keep working in my practise, and keep believing in myself, I will one day be able to perform them, just like I did with my headstand.

And this lesson applies to everything in life. You truly can achieve anything you set your mind to. No matter how crazy, or impossible it may seem right now, dare to dream big and start your journey to get you there. You will be amazed by your capacity to achieve things you never thought possible!

Let me give you a tip that I use for myself; if you are feeling frustrated or disillusioned that you are not able to do or achieve something in your life, just start by switching the words “I CAN’T” for “I CAN’T YET”. Just because you are not able to do something right now, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to do it in the future. Because chances are, that if you are committed to giving it a go, to start it, to think about the small steps that will allow you to get on your way, then you will get there.

So think about your can’t’s, and decide which ones are worth pursuing. Success is within the reach of us all, go and get it!

And for those of you living in Brunei who would like to experience the type of crazy yoga moves I was talking about, William has his own yoga studio located in Kiulap, OM Place. Click here to go to his blog, where you will find his contact details.

Namaste!

Isabel

 

Coach and “yoga headstand” expert!

If you would like to follow me on Facebook for this and more information about coaching and growth, click here.

ON TAKING OWNERSHIP….

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I am passionate about empowering everyday leaders to make a difference at work, at home and in their communities.

In my opinion, anyone can be a leader. You can be a leader.

Leadership starts within, by taking responsibility of oneself. Once you master self-leadership, then others will start to take notice and be inspired by your leadership and want to follow.

In today’s complex world, we are in need of everyday leaders more than ever before. At a time with so many political, economic, social and environmental factors, we are faced with the prospect of living our lives without hope and purpose, which at times leaves us feeling stressed, anxious and unsatisfied.

We can no longer wait for others to take action and create the change needed to solve all the issues we face. Instead, it is time to start taking responsibility for our own actions, for taking ownership of our own issues, and planning to make decisions to improve our own lives by ourselves.

All it takes is the initial commitment to yourself, to wanting to improve your life, to investing some time getting to know yourself and finding out what it is that you have to offer.

So let me ask you, how do you want to live your life?

What are you passionate about?

If you could change anything in your life, what would that be and why?

Don’t delay it anymore, you are worth so much more. You owe it to yourself and those around you to be your best, and to make a difference in this world through your own unique talents and inner wisdom!

Your friend and coach,

Isabel

¡HAZ EL 2014 TU MEJOR AÑO!

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El 2013 ya llega a su fin , y este es el momento perfecto para reflexionar sobre el año que acaba y planear para el año que entra. Entender tus metas para el próximo año y las acciones que tendrás que tomar para poder conseguirlas, te dará un gran impulso y te ayudará a mantenerte en el camino para lograr todas esas cosas que realmente quieres en el 2014.

Aquí tenéis mis “top 5” propuestas para que el 2014 sea vuestro mejor año :

1 . TIEMPO DE RECONOCERTE A TI MISMO

En esta época del año es tan fácil de pensar en esas cosas que no logramos , los errores que cometimos en el camino, las enfermedades o accidentes que tuvimos, las oportunidades que perdimos, etc. Sin embargo, lo que es más importante en este momento es realmente tomar el tiempo para sentarse y pensar en las cosas que logramos, sean grandes o pequeñas, como los acontecimientos en los que tomamos parte, de celebrar el tiempo que pasamos con nuestros seres queridos, o con grandes amistades, si hicimos increíbles excursiones o viajes, o los logros de aquellas cosas que nos habíamos planteado conseguir, etc. Al completar este ejercicio, la mayoría de nosotros nos daremos cuenta de que en realidad hay más positivos de lo que pensábamos en un principio, y tomar el tiempo para apreciarlos y celebrarlos será una herramienta muy valiosa para seguir logrando y construyendo éxitos en el 2014.

ACCIÓN: Piensa en esas cosas que necesitas apreciar del 2013, tus éxitos, tus triunfos, tus logros y momentos especiales, y anota al menos 5 cosas buenas que sucedieron en el 2013 .

Por ejemplo, mis 5 mejores logros personales para 2013 fueron:

– Completar mis estudios de Coaching Avanzado.

– El lanzamiento de mi propia empresa de coaching y consultora, Global Room.

– Poder viajar a Australia y España para visitar a mi familia y seres queridos.

– Completé mi primer media maratón, y varios después.

– Comenzé clases de yoga (las resistí por más de 3 años , y ahora estoy locamente enamorada del yoga!)

 

2 . LECCIONES

Yo no sé vosotros, pero en el 2013 cometí muchos errores, y fallé en muchas cosas también, y no llegué a alcanzar algunas de las metas que me propuse al principio. Para mi esta experiencia fue parte de una gran curva de aprendizaje que me ha permitido crecer y cambiar de rumbo , lo que me ha hecho ser más sabia y más fuerte. Ya que los errores son una gran oportunidad para aprender, el siguiente paso a completar seria tomar el tiempo para reflexionar sobre las lecciones que hemos aprendido de esas experiencias que quizás no fueron tan buenas, pues esas lecciones nos permitirán enfrentarnos a circunstancias similares en el próximo año de una manera más proactiva y asi tomar mejores decisiones , lo que hará a consigamos mejores resultados.

ACCIÓN: Pregúntate a ti mismo , ¿qué lecciones ha aprendido en el trabajo? Y en tu vida? Anota las 3 mejores lecciones que aprendiste en el trabajo y las 3 mejores lecciones que aprendiste en tu vida en general.

Por ejemplo, mis 3 mejores lecciones en el trabajo fueron las siguientes:

1 .La redes sociales están aquí para quedarse , aprende a aceptarlo y haz buen uso de ellas. Sólo porque no sabes algo, no significa que no puedas llegar a ser bueno en ello.

2 . Si tratas de ayudar a todo el mundo , la gente tendrá problemas para identificarse con lo que tienes que ofrecer. Habla de lo que mejor sabes, tu área de especialización , y enfoca tu tiempo en ello .

3 . Si algo parece demasiado duro, probablemente estás complicando las cosas demasiado. Tómate el tiempo para revisar tu plan y simplificalo hasta el punto en el que sientas que puedes manejar la situación.

Mis 3 mejores lecciones de la vida fueron:

1 . Que mi cuerpo es mi templo. Aprende a escucharlo, porque me dara toda la sabiduría que necesito tener para poder hacer todas las cosas que quiero en esta vida . Si sigo ignorando las advertencias de mi cuerpo , terminaré estresada, lesionada e incapaz de seguir mis pasiones.

2 . Que tengo que tomar en cuenta mi respiración, pues cuando se hace corta y rápida, necesito hacer tiempo para restaurar y recuperar mis energías . Mi respiración me dice cuando estoy tratando de hacer demasiado, y debo reconocerlo y hacer algo al respecto!

3 . Que pedir ayuda no es algo de lo que debo avergonzarme. He conocido a gente con dones y cualidades increíbles que están dispuestos a compartir su sabiduría sin ningún tipo de agenda. Pedir ayuda no te hace débil , en realidad te hace más fuerte.
3 . EMPIEZA MIRANDO HACIA ADELANTE

Ahora es el momento de mirar al 2014 . ¿Qué esperas lograr en los próximos 12 meses? Este no es el momento de proponer metas comodas y seguras. Esta es tu oportunidad de soñar con vivir la vida que realmente quieres, de lograr cosas que nunca pensaste que podrías lograr, con el fin de vivir tu mejor año en el 2014. Para ello será necesario que salgas de tu zona de confort, y probablemente sentirás un poco de miedo . No cedas a tus miedos, ya que pronto se disiparan una vez que inicies tu viaje.

ACCIÓN: Pregúntate a ti mismo, ¿qué tendría que suceder en el 2014 para que pudiese vivir una vida feliz y satisfactoria? ¿Qué tendria que suceder para que el 2014 sea mi mejor año ? Anota las 5 cosas que deseas alcanzar a finales del 2014 . Pónlos en un lugar donde puedas verlos a diario para mantenerte enfocado y motivado. A continuación, escribe una lista de las metas que necesitas completar con el fin de lograr tus 5 principales prioridades para el 2014.
4 . PLANEALO

Finalmente , ha llegado el momento de ponerlo todo junto y de comprometerse a crear un plan que se convertirá en tu mapa o ruta a seguir durante el próximo año . Revisa a menudo este plan para asi poder concentrarte en las tareas que necesitaras completar, y asi ver los frutos de tu trabajo.

ACCIÓN: Ahora que tienes una lista de tus 5 principales prioridades, y también una lista de cuáles son los objetivos que hay que alcanzar en el año 2014 , crea plan específico , donde tendras las oportunidad de romper cada una de tus metas en acciones que sean pequeñas, alcanzables y realistas pasos, que te permitirán iniciar el proceso y completar tus objetivos dentro de un marco de tiempo dado .

Para tu plan de acción para el 2014 , trata de ser lo más específico posible, completando los pasos que deberas tomar en cada mes, incluyendo las recompensas que te vas a dar para celebrar al alcanzarlos. Asegúrate de que tomas en cuenta tus propios valores cuando decidas qué acciones emprender , ya que tus valores dictaran tu comportamiento. Si tus acciones están en consonancia con tus valores , la experiencia de trabajar hasta poder conseguir tus metas será una experiencia muy agradable.
5 . INTENTALO Y NO LO DEJES

Mi último consejo para ti será que seas amable contigo mismo. La vida tiene altibajos y es probable que experimentes un poco de ambos mientras que intentes lograr tus prioridades. Habrá victorias y derrotas , éxitos y fracasos, y momentos en los que sentirás el deseo de rendirte . En momentos como este házte la siguiente pregunta, ¿cómo me voy a sentir si le di mi mejor intento y alcancé mis objetivos y prioridades? Trata de visualizarte a ti mismo viviendo la vida que realmente quieres, después de haber logrado todas esas cosas, e imagina la sensación de vivir esa vida. Despues, piensa en cómo te sentirás si dejas que tus miedos y dudas te hagan rendirte y tirar la toalla, ¿cómo te sentirás al final del 2014?

ACCIÓN: Piensa en cuáles son los desafíos o bloqueos potenciales que podrían interferir en el logro de tus metas en el 2014. ¿Es el habito de nunca empezar algo nuevo, el miedo al fracaso , miedo al éxito, la falta de una red de apoyo, la falta de conocimientos técnicos, etc? Toma conciencia de ellos y tratar de llegar a algunas soluciones posibles que puedan ayudarte a eliminar algunos de estos obstáculos que puedan surgir. Y por encima de todo, entiende que la vida no es perfecta, tu no eres perfecto y no todos los días van a ir de acuerdo al plan. Intenta seguir adelante, sin pararte, tomando pasos mucho mas pequeños si es necesario por un tiempo, hasta que pueda manejar los más grandes, y continua en tu viaje de cambio y logros.

Lo importante es seguir intentándolo, avanzar hacia la obtención de esas cosas que siempre quisiste . Y te prometo que, si no cedes, si lo sigues intentando, si continuas haciéndolo lo mejor que puedas la mayoría del tiempo, vas a lograr cosas que nunca creiste posibles.

Invertir algo de tiempo completando los pasos que propongo te pondrán en muy buena forma para lograr cosas extraordinarias en el próximo año. Y si no quieres hacerlo solo, entonces ponte en contacto conmigo para una consulta gratuita de 30 min sin compromiso para ayudarle a decidir si el coaching es adecuado para ti . Brindo porque el 2014 sea tu mejor año !

 

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Isabel Valle ACC ACTP

Coach Global

Fundadora de Global Room